I made someone cry

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As it says above, this happened on Saturday evening. It wasn’t intentional on my part, in fact it left me rather confused for a while. I was performing at The Slug and Lettuce in Liverpool, a lovely little gig organised by Tongue in Cheek. The only problem the gig ever had in the past was a horrible smell in the room, which has now been resolved.225-030

I had opened at the Slaughterhouse and made my wkirosanaay around the corner to The Slug and lettuce to go on in the middle spot, things were running to time. They needed to be because after The Slug I had to make my way to Manchester for two further gigs. When I arrived at The Slug I did the usual thing of asking the compere (Kevin Dewsbury, an old mate of mine) if there was anything that had happened or anybody in the room I should be aware of. He pointed out a joint Stag and Hen do that occupied the first two rows. A joint Stag and Hen do, christ! That is a modern phenomenon that leaves me confused. After a gentle opening I talked to the couple to be because they were sat right in front of me, I did this mainly so I could do a bit of material I have about a stag do that went horribly wrong.

The routine worked and the stag was laughing, then right at the end of it; the hen in fits of tears was escorted out of the room by the stag. When I asked what was wrong, he called me a “dick head” eh? What was it I said? They were followed by her parents, which was probably a show of solidarity but her Father told me that I wasn’t funny. This elicited a response from quite a few of the audience, which was a blessed relief to myself, they were on my side.ADR-001

I was now left with the rest of the Stag/Hen do staring at me. Again I ask “What was it I am supposed to have said?” and gave them the option of leaving with the couple if they thought I was a dickhead. None of them did, I wish a few of them had because they did the thing that all comics hate, a few of them quite clearly decided that they would force themselves not to enjoy any of my set. This usually happens when you have told somebody off in the crowd for talking or you have slammed some heckler so they then think “alright then, we’ll stare at you” which can be off putting when you are new to the game but with experience you don’t mind because at least they are not talking and disrupting the show.

Anyway, through the rest of my set all I kept thinking is, “what was it I said that provoked such a response”. I realised that it must have been the first thing I said to them, “I find the idea of a joint Stag and Hen do quite abhorrent, you clearly already have major trust issues with each other.” Maybe I had touched a

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nerve or evoked a bad memory, I’ll never know.

I have in the past had some ridiculous conversations and arguments after gigs with people that were upset by things I said. I used to do a routine about old people getting on buses and once after a gig a guy had a go at me because his cousin was knocked down by a bus. What the fuck!

We can’t do surveys with people on the way in and ask them if there are any key words that comedians should avoid in case they upset someone, we’d be left with fuck all to talk about. Some comics as we know go out of their way to insult and offend people, most though don’t.Robe de cocktail verte All I know now though is that pretty soon a couple will be getting married and the memory of their stag and hen do will be tainted by the fact that somehow I upset her.

I spent the rest of Saturday evening pondering and wondering what it was that made me such an arse in her eyes. Now though I am not too bothered, if you’re that sensitive then a comedy club is the worst place to be. Go to a pottery class or just stay at home and get offended by the TV.

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